It’s My Prerogative: 
Consent and Healthy Sexuality 
for People with Disabilities 

Katherine McLaughlin 
August 21, 2018 



Learning Objectives 

• 
Review statistics on sexual violence against people 
with disabilities; 
• 
Define the current messages and information 
people with disabilities receive about sex; 
• 
Explore how those messages and information 
contribute to a lack of safety and self-autonomy; 
• 
Discuss sexual self-advocacy as a way to increase 
safety and self-autonomy; 
• 
Review the role consent plays in safe and 
autonomous sexual relationships. 

People with Disabilities and Sex: A 
Lack of Safety and Autonomy 



People with Disabilities are More 
Likely to Experience Sexual Violence 

• 
People with I/DD are at a higher risk of being 
abused 
• 
2.5-10 times more likely, NPR statistics state 7 
times more likely 
• 
90% will experience abuse at some point in their 
lifetime 
• 
15,000-19,000 raped each year in the US 

More Likely to Experience Violence 

• 
People with I/DD are more likely to experience 
repeated abuse 
• 
49% had experienced 10 or more incidences of 
abuse 
• 
More likely to be abused if have profound 
disabilities, a higher level of support, and 
dependent on services 
• 
96% of case were perpetrated by someone the 
person knows 

Less Likely to Report Violence 

• 
People with I/DD are less likely to report. 
• 
When live in congregate settings, 85% go 
unreported 
• 
Less likely to lead to prosecution or conviction. 
• 
70% of serious crimes against people without 
disabilities were prosecuted 
• 
Only 5% of serious crimes against people with 
disabilities 

Some Reasons Why 

• 
Denied education about healthy sexuality and 
relationships; 
• 
Denied the ability to make decisions about their 
relationships; 
• 
Negative and ableist messages regarding sexuality 
and relationships; 
• 
Perceived as less credible when reporting violence. 

Chat 

What messages do people with disabilities 
receive about sexuality? 



Messages People with Disabilities 
Receive 

• 
They are not sexual beings 
• 
They don’t like sex 
• 
They can’t have sex 
• 
They should not have sex 
• 
They are innocent and childlike and need protection from 
sexuality 
• 
They are not responsible 
• 
They can not solve problems 
• 
They are unable to make good decisions about sexuality 
• 
They always make mistakes 
• 
They would not make good parents so should not have 
children 

Chat 

What Impact do These 
Messages Have? 



What Impact do These Messages 
Have? 

Worried and fearful 
Feel that sexual feelings are shameful and wrong 
Stop asking questions and getting the support they may need 
Stop reporting abuse because of lack of support 
Loneliness 
Unhealthy sexuality and increase of abuse 

Give Positive, Supportive Messages about Sexuality and Healthy 
Relationships 

Sexual Self-Advocacy: A Tool for 
Safety and Autonomy 



What is Sexual Self-Advocacy? 

“Speaking for yourself, 
sexually” 

”Getting information” 

“Taking a stand” 

“Saying to whomever – this is 
my choice” 

“Stating your sexual limits 
and desires with your partner, 
respecting others’ limits and 
desires” 

“Starting to do what you 
want with relationships” 



Need for Sexual Self-Advocacy 

• 
Sexual self-advocacy ensures that 
• 
Individuals with disabilities have the tools and 
information they need to make safe and healthy 
choices; 
• 
Individuals with disabilities understand the 
differences between ”good” relationships and 
”bad” relationships; 
• 
They understand consent and the importance of 
consent in relationships. 

Helping People Become Sexual Self-
Advocates 



How Can We Help People Become 
Strong Sexual Self-Advocates? 

Human sexual development and the need to teach 
healthy sexuality 

Discuss issues of consent: 
Giving and getting consent 
Ability to consent 


Tips and resources for communicating about sexuality 
and relationships 



Importance of Teaching Healthy 
Sexuality 

• 
Demonstrates that all people are sexual beings, 
not just those who are non-disabled, heterosexual, 
young, etc. 
• 
Gives a positive message, not just abuse 
prevention 
• 
Helps people with disabilities be healthy sexually-
in relationships that are positive and enriching 
• 
Includes social skills training-being part of the 
community 
• 
Reduces unplanned pregnancies, sexually 
transmitted infections, and abuse 

Consent 

• 
In order to be a sexual self-advocate, a person with 
a disability must have a firm understanding of 
consent. 
• 
What they should know: a person is always allowed 
to say yes or no to sex, and self-advocates need to 
know that they have the choice. 

Consent: Definitions for Self-
Advocates 

• 
You must ask first 
• 
Both people must say YES 
• 
Sexual acts should feel good to both people 
• 
You can say NO at any time 
• 
Giving consent once does not mean the answer is 
always yes 
• 
Remember: if you are not sure – ASK! 

More About Consent 

There are actually two steps or two questions to ask. 
Did the person say “yes”? 
Was it freely chosen? 

There can be no pressure. No lies. No force, no 
threats. 

“If you don’t have sex with me, I will break up 
with you” 

“If you don’t have sex with me, I will tell everyone 
that you did” 

“I love you and will never leave you” 

Holding a person down or using a weapon to 
make them have sex. 



Two Yes = Consent 



The Legal Definition of Consent 

There is no one definition of consent. Instead, each 
state sets its own definition in it’s laws. In general, 
there are some features that are present in nearly 
every statute: 

• 
Freely given consent: Was the consent offered of 
the person’s own free will, without being induced by 
fraud, coercion, violence, or threat of violence? 
• 
Capacity to consent: Did the individual have the 
capacity, or legal ability, to consent? 

Consent Statutes and People with 
Disabilities 

• 
Language in statutes could inadvertently categorize 
people with disabilities as “incapacitated” or “mentally 
impaired” 
• 
Under consent based statutes, when a person is 
considered mentally impaired, it is deemed that there 
was no consent 
• 
But are people with disabilities actually “incapacitated” 
or “mentally impaired?” What is the criteria? 
• 
This issue arises in criminal cases – especially when a 
guardian/ parent believes there was a sexual assault 

Legal Issues and Consent Laws TN 

There is a lack of consent if a person engages in a 
sexual act with another person by forcible compulsion 
or with a person who is incapable of consent because 
he or she is physically helpless, mentally defective or 
mentally incapacitated. 



Legal Issues and Consent Laws TN 
(2) 

“Mentally defective” means that a person suffers from a mental 
disease or defect that renders the person: incapable of 
understanding the nature and consequences of a sexual act; or 
unaware a sexual act is occurring. 

“Mentally incapacitated” means that a person is temporarily 
incapable of appreciating or controlling the person’s conduct as a 
result of the influence of a controlled or intoxicating substance: 
administered to the person without the person’s consent; or that 
renders the person unaware a sexual act is occurring. 

“Physically helpless” means that a person is: unconscious; 
physically unable to communicate a lack of consent; or 
rendered unaware that a sexual act is occurring. 



Consent Laws in New York 

• 
State of NY, deems all people with I/DD as 
non-consensual. 
• 
In order to be deemed “consensual,” 
individuals have to pass an assessment. 
• 
The assessment is a test on sexuality 
information, not on whether the person has 
the ability to make their own decisions. 
• 
Controversial for many 

Affirmative Consent and Disability 

• 
Affirmative consent in some states requires verbal, 
express consent 
• 
Not always possible for people with certain types 
of disabilities (alternative communication methods) 

What if a Person Cannot Give 

Verbal Consent? 

Positive Consent (YES) 

• 
Positive body language 
• 
Leaning in 
• 
Smiling 
• 
Pulling you closer 
• 
Sign language “yes” 
• 
Nodding “yes” 
Negative Consent (NO) 

• 
Pulling away 
• 
Crying 
• 
Not responding to your 
touch 
• 
Turning his/her face 
away 
• 
Arms wrapped around 
body 
• 
Sign language “no” 
• 
Shaking head “no” 

Consent Laws That Consider People 
with Disabilities 

-Consider the relationship and power dynamics between 
the parties involved 

-Service provider, medical provider, or person of 
authority? 

-Do not place the burden on the person with the 
disability to prove they have capacity to consent – 
presumption of competence 

-Prevent unnecessarily invasive court inquiries 



Tips and Resources 

• 
Give positive messages 
• 
Use inclusive language 
• 
Okay not to know all the answers 
• 
Okay to answer later 
• 
Okay to feel embarrassed 
• 
Give facts and a range of opinions unless you are 
the parent 
• 
Get useful resources 

Resources for Talking to Self-
Advocates About Sex 

• 
22 Lesson Curriculum 
• 
Online staff training 
• 
Online parent workshop 
• 
Live trainings/in-services 
• 
www.elevatustraining.com 
• 
kath@elevatustraining.com 

Training for 2018 

Becoming a Sexuality Educator and Trainer 

• 
Worcester, MA, Sept.19-21st 
• 
Atlanta, GA, Oct. 17-19th 
• 
Denver, Colorado, Nov. 28-30th 

Questions? 



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